I remember writing my first blog entry 10 years ago. I was at a turning point, as I was working at the L’Oréal Group and about to give birth to my first child. I thought I had it all figured out, and I would be able to bounce back as if nothing had changed. But little did I know, my world flipped over night and I found myself with yet another identity: a mother. I wasn’t at all prepared for this change and felt lost, insecure and fragile. Everything had changed, my priorities, my energy, my way of thinking. Finding work life balance for me meant both: staying on top of things at work and still being creative and dynamic while, finding time and energy to be with my child.
I remember how discouraged I felt when I realised that all the future plans I had made, just weren’t realistic. I had envisioned something very different and had to now adapt to an “unplanned” reality. The first couple of months after my maternity leave, were extremely difficult as I struggled with the idea of being a working mother. I struggled especially because the life script I had created from my childhood described me as a career woman, who would always put her career first. I realized that my old life script no longer reflected who I wanted to be. Α new one was coming to life: a mother, who would spend more time with her child and have a career on the side. And that is when a huge wave of guilt hit me. I felt guilty and ashamed. It took time and therapy to make peace with who I was becoming. I believe the most important part of overcoming the guilt and shame, was to get rid of the stigma to talk about it. It is difficult to recognize when something isn’t working for you, but it is even harder seeking help and talking about it with someone else. The more I fought against it, the more resistance I found. Eventually, I was able to find the right balance that worked for me.
This was ten years ago, but I believe people are still stigmatized today, and are reluctant to talk about challenges at work, that can occur during their career. Becoming a parent is just my example, but other changes could include, a manager losing the motivation that was once there, wanting to change careers, hormonal imbalances (for both sexes), finding passion in something completely different, or just changing roles in a company. Truth is, many of us experience times in life when we feel a sense of being disconnected from who we really are. No matter the change, the most crucial factor remains to understand that it is normal to talk about it, and seek help if needed. Humans evolved because of changes occurring in their environment, but the first challenge was always recognizing the need in change itself.
Altering or shifting what the brain knows, or what the brain “feels comfortable with” is a battle on its own. It is often said, that our brain is “brutal” as it is built to protect us and help us survive, and not necessarily to make us happy. So we have to use the right language, and have the right attitude in order to use it properly and for our own good. That said, when our brain detects new information it can react in funny and unpredictable ways. This means that the first battle you will have to deal with when a change occurs, whether predicted or not, will be the battle in your brain. That’s because your brain finds comfort in the known. This is how it can support you through your day. But when it is confronted with something new, it will challenge and question you.
Here is a bit of science to make all this a bit clearer. Your brain contains billions of neurons, specialized cells that communicate with each other. Good news is, your brain has the ability to grow new neurons, from stem cells. This happens when any neurons and neural pathways are no longer used, like an old habit that you want to get rid of. These pathways are weakened and wither away, while the ones you will start to use most, the new habits, will often become stronger. Your brain has the ability to change, and this allows it to re-structure and re-wire new pathways. This is known as neuroplasticity. Your thoughts, feelings and actions can actually change the structure of your brain over time. It gives you the potential to change old behaviours that don’t help you meet your present-day challenges. In other words, you have the power to rewire your way of thinking and thus, your brain! It just takes time and effort.
I hope that by sharing my personal life story here, I will encourage you to embrace and envision change when it occurs, or when you pursue it. Don’t be reluctant to talk about it, or to reach out, because this is exactly what you should be doing. No one else can do it for you!
